And Escape I did ...

I’ve been putting off making a blog entry because, quite simply, I haven’t been too sure what to report. So here it is. My final entry (or not?) for I Thai’d to Escape.

I arrived at Sathira-Dhammasathan on the morning of November 5th and stayed just over two weeks. My intentions were to stay for the weekend and if I was enjoying myself to stay the following week, but to return to Khon Kaen and start working on Monday the 15th. I didn’t get a call for work like I was exptecting, and not quite convinced that it was what I wanted to do anyway I decided to stay longer and changed my plans completely and often.

I spoke with my mentor Me Chee Ga Long (pronouncing the me like “memory” shee – meaning nun) and she thought it would be a good idea if I went to the Forest Monestary called Suan Mohhk established by the famous monk Buddhadasa Bhikkhu to participate in a meditation retreat for foreigners. I would stay a couple more weeks at the sanctuary until the retreat started at the end of the month. The idea that I had just finished reading what some would call the Buddhist “bible” written by Buddhadasa Bhikkhu, and that I was feeling like I was benefitting from the meditation I was already doing, I agreed that it was the next step in my spiritual journey. I knew that staying a couple more weeks would be challenging but at the same time rewarding. The fact that most of the nuns could not speak any English made things difficult and lonely, and although Me Chee Ga Long could speak English quite well her superiority at the sanctuary made her spiritual guidance in high demand and kept her very busy and she was not as available for me as I would have liked. I tried to consider these moments of frustration and lonliness lessons for me to reflect and to meditate.

Before the two weeks were up however I decided that I really needed to leave and go back “outside” and decided to sign up for the Traditional Thai massage course at the famous Wat Pho Thai Traditional Medical School. I left on the 19th of December and went directly to Wat Pho to start my course.

Practicing meditation and “mindfulness” which were much easier to practice inside the sanctuary and became less and less practiced on the outside. I can understand why some of the women stay longer and longer, prolonguing their return to a hectic and challenging civilization – the challenge being that, for me, it was too easy to fall back to the fear, anger, and anguish of being outside. I could have stayed and even Me Chee Ga Long tried to convince me to stay knowing what challenges I would face when I returned to the outside world. One needs only stay two weeks in the sanctuary before they can officially ask to become a nun and if I wasn’t married I think I probably would have done that, but at the time I didn’t think it would be fair to my husband to make such a commitment to the sanctuary – that was my thinking at the time, not to mention that I just wasn’t prepared to shave off my hair and eyebrows and as a foreigner who couldn’t speak or understand Thai I’m not too sure how fulfilling my experience would have been. I suppose, eventually, I could have copied the sounds of the words they chant every morning and night, but I wouldn’t understand the chants. What good, really, is chanting without understanding?

Aside from the nightmare with administration and accomodation at Wat Pho I was generally happy to be back amongst the public once again, at least for a short time. After two nights sleeping alone in a room full of bunk beds on an extremely hard bottom bunk I looked for a place to stay on Kao San road, the famous tourist strip. Unlike many years ago and in my more youthful years where this scene would provide many opportunities to meet people and make memories or not, depending on how much you could remember the day after, the crowds and loud music and mixture of locals and tourists in bars and pubs were more annoying than fun.

The people started annoying me more and more. I was losing my patience with the people from the “Land of the False Smiles” (something I overheard a foreign man say to describe the Thai people, who seemed quite veteran in the ways of Thailand and its people, not to mention it was such a perfect description). The constant sight of older-old foreign men with a young, or very young, Thai women depressed me. Were they oblivious to the forlorn look on the young woman’s face? Or did they see it and just dismiss it? Plus the money-hungry Thai people that would take advantage in every situation to make more money. I felt like they were charging me prices as if I had STUPID TOURIST written across my forehead. Oh, and if you did try to stand up for yourself, like demanding a price that you knew from experience was fair, then GOODBYE smiles and hello agressiveness and insults! I even got kicked out of a shop on Kao San because I didn’t buy anything! Not to mention the aggressive hold one lady had on me trying to sell me her wares – she wouldn’t let go and she was hurting me! I had a certain compassion for these people in the beginning, knowing that life is not easy for them and they make very little money, but their unfortunate situation has turned them all into seeing tourists as a weak lamb to be preyed on, and prey they do!! Survival of the fittest – right?

So, I knew it was time to go home. I had experienced this sensation before and it was my instincts telling me to move on.

My departure date was already set for December 15th after extending my visitor’s visa for another 2 months, so instead of changing it like I thought I would, I kept it.

I did a foot massage course at Wat Pho. Then I went back to Khon Kaen to collect my things and returned to Bangkok to do one final massage coure before returning to Spain.

The return home with overweight baggage problems and delays and lost baggage and losing my jacket (which kinda sucked considering I was dressed for the tropics but returned to a snow covered Spain!) was, well horrible. It was a very, very long and tiring journey home. When I got home the broken water heater was just another welcoming disaster! So was I glad to be home? Or just glad to be out of Thailand?

A Buddhist Retreat

Tonight I am going back to Bangkok to spend the weekend and possibly some or all of next week at the Sathira-Dhammasathan Center where they accept foreigners and Thais alike to study Buddhism and meditation (I haven't got called about starting work yet and the school is closed next week so it's a great opportunity).

It is something I have always wanted to do (at least for the past 15 years) and I would consider it regretful if I didn't take advantage of such a wonderful opportunity while here in Thailand, a mostly Buddhist country.

I can't tell you too much about it right now but I will certainly do a blog when I return. Basically what I know is that tomorrow (Friday), Saturday and Sunday they have "activities" which I'm told are meditations, then next week there aren't any "activities" but I am welcome to stay as long as I like. I'm told they serve vegetarian food and that we don't leave the sanctuary grounds. I'm really excited and at the same time nervous. Discoveries about oneself can be exciting unless it is discovering something you don't really want to be aware of - that is my fear. But I will welcome the experience the best I can.

The woman I am really looking forward to meeting is Mae Chee Sansanee. She is the founder and Director of Sathira-Dhammasathan Center in Bangkok (where I'm going to stay). Their website is a little outdated and the English version a little limited, but there is a nice article here : http://www.integrativespirituality.org/postnuke/html/index.php?name=Sections&req=viewarticle&artid=322&page=1 (not to mention many others on the www if you're intersted)

I'm going without my laptop so I will be out of touch with some of you.

Hugs and kisses to everyone!

Broken Wings

I went for a walk around the lake in Khon Kaen yesterday. It took me about 3 hours because I took my time and stopped at a few temples along the way.

At one point during my walk I saw a butterfly and stopped to take some photos. At first I didn't notice how "broken" the butterfly's wings were because it flew with such grace and elegance. So then why can't I continue to live with grace and elegance even though sometimes I feel like I am flying with "broken wings"? It was a nice little personal lesson I thought I would share with you ...

There was also these amazing trees with long hanging vines that people must stop to braid!

One of the temples I stopped at was Wat Nongwang. It has nine levels each one smaller than the one below it, kind of like a teired cake I suppose. I walked to the top and as I reached the top the sound of the bells got louder and louder. I found the sound very calming, like being on my grandfather's porch in the summertime listening to his ceramic chimes blowing in the warm breeze. I thought I would share this with you also ...

The Buddhist Practice of Tong-Len vs. Quantum Physics

I'm reading the book "The Art of Happiness" by HH Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler (again). Last night I watched "What the Bleep do we know?" (again). The last time I read the book I had also watched the same movie around the same time. Then, I had a doubt, and once again the same doubt has arisen.

In the book "The Art of Happiness" the Dalai Lama speaks about developing compassion and ways to learn compassion and learn to deal with suffering. I quote - "In Buddhist practice, you can use your personal suffering in a formal way to enhance your compassion - by using it as an opportunity for the practice of Tong-Len. This is a Mahayana visualization practice in which one mentally visualizes taking on another's pain and suffering, and in turn giving them all of your resources, good health, fortune, and so on."

In the movie "What the Bleep do we know?" (as well as the movie "The Secret" which is quite similiar) they talk about how we manifest our reality through the power of thought. In "The Secret" one woman talks about how she fought her cancer by waking up every morning telling herself that she was healthy, and how a man eventually (and somewhat unconsciously as it was a dream from years ago that he had not thought about in some time) found himself living in his dream home. In "The Secret" they talk about the "Law of Attraction", in that, positive or negative, we unconsciously manifest what we are thinking, just by thinking it (and that, of course, we can consiously manifest our reality too).

So, my doubt is, wouldn't the Tong-Len visualization practice bring about suffering? I understand that in order to develop compassion we must truly be able to understand a person's suffering, or to practice empathy but on a very personal level, even to the point of having a physical reaction. But it is still always "their" suffering and we are safely observing from the outside. Are we just asking for suffering if we practice this kind of visualization? If we visualize it will we manifest it?

I am only a novice reading books and asking questions at this point. The more I learn the more questions I have, which seems to be a general rule in life anyway. But when it comes to Buddhism, who can you consult? Do you think the Dalai Lama would be free for a Q&A session?

Comments enthusiastically requested!!! (p.s. This blog was sent to the office of HH Dalai Lama asking for guidance .. really. Wish me luck in getting a reply!)

Wat Ratchanda and Wat Saket

I visited two more temples - Ratchanda and Saket (the Golden Mountain). Wat Ratchanda was under construction or having some remodelling done so there wasn't much to see, but there was this amulet market near the entrance. Big buddhas, small buddhas, necklaces, rings, bracelets (big bags full of ones like the one the monk had given me), coins, masks - any Buddhist (and non-Buddhist) relic you could possibly imagine was for sale here, regardless of whether you were decorating an entire temple or simply looking for a lucky charm or souvenir. As I was strolling the isles of the market I came upon two men (actually twin brothers) painting some traditional Thai masks. I gestured to ask if I could take a photo and the one brother quickly tapped the other to tell him to look at the camera. Unfortunately his brother was painting at the time and quickly told off his brother in Thai before realizing I was behind him - oops.

Wat Saket was really nice. Again a lot of stairs but they were really easy to climb - thin and deep (thank goodness cause my thighs were still burning from climbing Wat Arun). This time I bought the lotus flower with gold leaf, incense and candle and tried the ritual solo. At one point I was waiting in line to pay respects to one Buddha and I'm not sure if it was because I wasn't aggressive enough to take my turn or if it was because I wasn't taken seriously (as a white foreigner), but a few people budded ahead of me before I had my opportunity. It's a strange feeling because I'm not confident with what I'm doing in the temple - at this point I'm only following my interest to learn and start practicing Buddhism, with my best efforts not to offend anyone. Perhaps it was this lack of confidence that they took as a sign to go ahead of me?

In terms of a photo for Wat Saket I don't have anything that interesting so what I'm posting is a photo of this crazy big black bee. It's about 3 times the size of our little humble bumble bee.

Wat Arun

On Sunday I went to explore Wat Arun, also known as the Temple of Dawn, on my own. It's impressive but noticeably older (or less maintained) than the other temples I had seen the day before. I climbed the very steep steps to the top to take in the view of Bangkok. Getting up was difficult cause I kept stepping on my sarong, but getting down was freaky cause only going down can one truly appreciate how narrow and steep each step is. Most people descended one step at a time while clinging to the railing (as you can see in this photo).

Having participated in my first Buddhist ritual the day before I was ready to try it on my own. I noticed that if you wait and make a small donation you can get blessed by a monk. The monk didn't have any conversation with me like the people before because it would have been useless me not speaking any Thai, so he went straight into the ritual. With a little twig broom looking thing he dipped it in a bowl of water and flicked it over my head three times. Then he presented me with a bracelet that has a little gold leaf paper in the middle. I know that I didn't do my part of the ritual correctly, but I'm sure he was forgiving of a novice foreigner. Another man in the temple who spoke English came up to me afterwards to put my bracelet on and told me that I had been blessed with good luck and happiness. Later Ko told me that I wear the bracelet for three days before I can take it off.

Wat Pho, the Grand Palace and Wat Phra Kaew

Ko, her friend and neighbor Phi Nok, and I got up early Saturday morning and went to Wat Pho, the Grand Palace and Wat Phra Kaew. The grandeur of these places left me pretty much speechless. It was a scorching hot day so covering myself with a sarong to enter the temples with torturous but nevertheless I marched on, determined to see everything.

Wat Pho (Wat means temple) has this amazing reclining Buddha. It is forty-six metres long and fifteen metres high and besides being gold plated it's eyes and the soles of its feet (the toe prints) are lined with mother of pearl. While I was admiring the Buddha I was hearing what I thought was a recording of bells, but turned out to be the sound of people throwing coins into a row, as long as the Buddha, of monks' bowls. Of course I had to participate, so I bought my little pail of coins and off I went dropping them into the bowls. I think I missed one when I stopped to have my photo taken and I had extra coins when I reached the end of the line so the last few bowls got a few extra.

One of the most memorable things for me this day was participating in my first Buddhist ritual. Ko & Nok were very nice to lead me through it. First we established that "my" Buddha (based on the day I was born - Wednesday) was the reclining Buddha (funny I thought that I would get the only one lying down as if to mock my laziness). Next I bought an unblossomed Lotus flower, incense, a little candle and three pieces of gold leaf paper (inside folded pieces of paper) sold as a set. I saw people pressing the paper on their Buddha, so not yet aware that inside the paper was the gold leaf, I pressed the paper itself against the Buddha thinking that I was supposed to leave with some gold from the Buddha on my paper, until Ko came over to help me. I laugh about that still. Next I lit my little candle and mounted it with the others. Then I lit my incense (3 sticks) and held them with the lotus flower in between prayer hands and kneeling before the Buddhas asked for what I wanted to myself. Then I put my incense with the rest in a vase that is filled with sand, and the lotus flower with the others in a vase that is filled with water, and made my exit.

After, for fun, we shook the Chinese sticks. Eventually one pops up and you read your fortune based on the number on the stick. I didn't really like my first fortune and Ko said that you don't have to keep it if you don't like it, so I shook again. Both fortunes revealed somewhat of a difficult life but I liked the second one better.

After spending the morning and a good part of the afternoon absorbing beautiful Temple/Palace architecture we escaped to a big air-conditioned mall, and I had Burger King for dinner.